Going Hipster

I live in a fairly rural part of the world.  Not far from a city or two but not really a place where new ideas gain much traction.  I’m fine with that.  I’m actually here by choice.

However, even here in my rural cocoon, the influence of the much trendier and urban make an appearance.  Lately, in my reading for work and scattered throughout my daily NPR dose the concept of “The Hipster” has invaded.  Apparently, these hipsters are independent thinkers, most likely urban and the “young, intelligent, buck the trend" types.  I’ve come to the realization that although no one can actually give me a concise definition of a hipster, apart from the fact that skinny jeans seem to be a hipster prerequisite, I am a bit sad to have missed out on the hipster moment.

Last night, after hearing Another Article dealing the the life of the hipster, I took some time for reflection to consider what I might be missing.  In  fact, I wondered should I at this late date try to "Go Hipster”, much like one of my co-workers “Went Vegetarian”.

Having given the hipster thing a bit of thought, I’ve come to the conclusion that the life of the hipster is simply not for me and it’s really best that the hipsters have been off my radar because otherwise I might have taken a completely inappropriate path.  Let me elaborate.

1. I think we should deal with the most obvious point first.  There would be NO EXCUSE for me if I were to try to perpetrate a pair of skinny jeans.  There are things that you should not do to an unsuspecting public.  These hips didn’t look good in skinny jeans the first time around.

This, leads into my second point.

2. I remember skinny jeans from the first go ‘round.  Through extensive research (insert Google search and wiki definitions) I’ve determined that I (barely) meet the age requirements for the hipster crowd.  Unfortunately, I’ve also come to understand that I probably have more in common with the hipster’s grandmothers than I do with hipsters.  I do like to garden.  I don’t drink craft beer.  The last time I was conscious for the other side of midnight it was either an accident or insomnia.  The thought of being subjected to late nights in smokey and or alcohol soaked environments invoke within me a mild panic attack.  Yes, even though I've not hit my fourth decade, I'm much too old (and stodgy and probably grumpy) to be a hipster.

3.  I refuse to twit/tweet.  It is fairly evident that you cannot be hip without tweeting about your hipness.  Twitter is my personal Rubicon.  When Twitter was first making waves, I hit a social sharing wall.  We all need boundaries and Twitter represents just one too many online social media commitments.  Some of us actuallly do still live outside of our computers and smart phones.  (Now we all know that Facebook is going down, someday.  So, I may actually have to revisit this decision in the future but for now, no tweets.  Most likely if I ever do join tweeting masses, the masses will have departed.)

4. I’m too attached to my paycheck, decent health insurance, paid vacation and retirement.  It is my understanding that the hipsters are in favor of sacrifice and poverty while in pursuit of their art, words, etc.  Now, I realize that in our current day and age retirement plans are no sure thing and mine is tied to the government which makes it seem particularly like a crap shoot but I like to believe that someday when I’m old and alone, it will at least put food on the table.  For now, I’ll just sandwich my photography, organic gardening, volunteering, beekeeping, kayaking, crafting, and creating into my nights and weekends and make it a priority to pursue new things but I believe I’ll keep my day job.

5. Number five is purely aesthetic.  I’m too tan to be a hipster.  Having pursued a Google image search, I understand that hipsters are an anemic looking bunch.  It seems obvious that they never garden, kayak or walk the dog during daylight hours.  I don’t even know how to operate within those kinds of constraints.

There are so many more reasons why I will never be a hipster.  An exhaustive list would frankly try even my patience much less that of the occasional reader.  Of course, it would also be VERY boring.   (Actually, I truly only expect my ‘fella to read through to the bitter end and I’m pretty sure he’ll skim and wonder “what I’m on about”.)  Yet, this exercise in self-awareness has been beneficial and official, I have no plans of Going Hipster.

I’m pretty sure hipsters everywhere are relieved.