Thursday, January 10, 2013

Either There are No Short Plumbers or They All Do Yoga

I realized this truth this evening as I stared up at the bottom of the sink with most of my body lost in the bowels of that (not really as clean as you'd like it) wasteland known as the "cabinet under the sink."

This story began hours earlier in the big box hardware store standing in front of an impressive wall, three times my height, of shiny new faucets.  I was in the big box hardware store to replace a piece of tubing that is apparently integral to the workings of the hot water heater.  That the tubing is integral was made evident two nights ago when I tracked down the vaguely disturbing sound of spraying water to the water heater closet.  This was also the night I had to cut off the main water valve to my home.  After two nights without water, tired of camping in my home and having realized that this was definitely a DIY fix and there was no need to schedule a plumber and take off work to have the tube replaced, I decided it was time to take things in hand.

I was in the store.  The tubing was located. I was on my way out. Then, came the wall of faucets.  The water at home was off. What better time to install a new faucet to replace the leaky one that's been leaking for FIVE years?  

I called The Finman, who is currently on the other side of the country.  "What do you think of having a new faucet?"  "You can do that," he asked.  "Sure" said I, "Easy Peasy.  I've done it before.  Noooo problem."  The Finman was suitably impressed and agreed we should have a new faucet.

It turns out the water heater was Easy Peasy.  The faucet, well that really was not.  Let's just say, that not for the first time, I found myself thinking evil thoughts about the former inhabitants of this abode.  Thus it was, that I found myself staring for an hour at the bottom of the sink while I did everything short of finding a blow torch to dislodge the old leaky faucet. It was not pretty.

In the midst of this it struck me that this space was simply not engineered for people of small stature.  My arms are too short to reach the faucet fittings unless I have over half my body in the cabinet. I found myself thankful, after almost an hour of maintaining a bridge pose with my head cushioned on the extra roll of paper towels, that my yoga muscles haven't totally deserted me.

But then, that led to the question of what do the short plumbers do?  Are there secret plumber yoga class to help vertically challenged plumbers achieve the flexibility they need to jam themselves in these impossible places?  Makes you wonder.

Oh, and if you ARE wondering by now... I do have a beautiful, new, INSTALLED kitchen faucet.  Next time, I may just call the plumber.


  1. Did you also buy some of the magical "plumber's pants"? I'm guessing if you wear those they somehow turn you into a contortionist. :)


  2. Oh, I hadn't considered the pants... maybe that is it.

  3. I think short plumbers install faucets in such a way that replacing them will be ample punishment for touching their work. It almost never fails to be the case. Short plumbers have been running around the country for decades installing leaky faucets which are nearly impossible to replace.
    You beat them!!! Impressive is an apt description.

  4. Hey, I never thought that the whole thing might have been "rigged" from the start. Good thinking. I see now that it is a type of conspiracy.

  5. I'm impressed that you decided to tackle the jobs of fixing the water heater and the faucet. No female in my family would even think to learn how to do it. It's they either nag the husbands, brothers, cousins or sons, or call the plumber. As for short plumbers, maybe they were once circus contortionists.


Please play nicely.